THIS IS JUST A DRAFT PLEASE VIEW IT THAT WAY

Basically on my other 2 videos people were moaning there wasn't a story, despite me saying that I wasn't intentionally placing on in the videos as I am just practicing.
So here is my go at attempting to place a story into a machinima, yes I know its rusty and quite repetitive but i'm still just SCRIPTING it as of just now.

So any hints or tips on how to make this better or further the story line would be nice. Instead of just saying its boring, please elaborate on why you feel its boring!